The History:

 

I used to write a lot on a website poetry group called All Poetry. My name there was Speechless Star. I wrote alot and made friends who would read mine and I would read theirs and comment on each others. Alot of what I wrote was faith based as well as my friends I made. It was a great outlet and documentation of the processes of my faith journey.

I had a very controlling boyfriend. It was long distance and every day hed ask me if i talked to any other guys that day at college/work etc. He wanted me to avoid other men. I grew up with a single mom and a sister so never had any good examples of men in my life. When he visited me in person he got me to throw out all the photos I had of me with any other male. Ex boyfriends made sense but that included my prom and memories with my group of friends in high school and youth group. I drew the line when he wanted me to toss the one of me and my youth group the weekend I gave my life completely to God. It was a great memory I couldn't part with, so he let me keep that one.

So, when he finally read some of my poetry the only thing he said was who is this guy commenting on your poems? Nevermind that it was all faith centered and this guy was openly engaged! My boyfriend wanted me to get off the site completely. I did. I printed off all my poems which took a long time and removed all my work form the site. It was a sad day. I havent written any poetry since. I did finally break up with that guy. It hit me hard when my friend and her parents got storm stayed at my home and my boyfriend was mad that I talked to my friends dad who was a pastor! I told him i needed to have healthy brother figures and father figures in my life and he was trying to stop that. How should i not be allowed to talk to a visitor in my home and a pastor. He apologized but i broke up with him shortly after when i realize he wanted to ask me to marry him I knew I could never say yes to that.

Moving on, I met my husband after this relationship and found so much healing. He was a true brother and great friend before we ever expressed interest in each other. I am still wounded by the fact that my poetry is gone and I miss writing so much. It was a great outlet and ministry!

So many many years later (married 12 years now!) I am still wishing i could have all my poetry online again and start writing again. At Moms group today I was thinking about how Blessed I am and im thriving at this point doing so many things I love with my life. Then I realized this prayer request: That I would feel up for typing up my poems one at a time. It feels so overwhelming and I still have not forgiven that ex boyfriend, or myself <3

I wrote down my prayer request and then felt inspired to write a poem about motherhood. someday I will add that here... But for now I would like to open up this Blog as a Space to slowly start typing up my poems again <3 My husband is encouraging me to as well and other Christian friends so we will see. I may even be able to figure out how to scan and convert the page to text... that would make it easy! I'm hopeful.

Here goes! Stay Tuned.

Cheryl <><